Kentucky is Funny!

I love away games because:
It's a great way to check out a new state that otherwise might be skipped (like Kentucky).
It's fun to travel.
It's interesting to see other stadiums.
It's a chance to experience the "personalities" of the home crowd.
It's a real reason to throw the A flags on the car.
Plus many more...

We stayed at a descent hotel with an added bonus.
That bonus being location.
The location of our hotel allowed us the option of walking.
We could walk to the stadium and restaurants.
We took full advantage of being car-free by walking to dinner after the win.
I soon realized one reason I don't drink or
drink very little is due to the obstacle of getting home.
Tracy and I both are extremely cautious about drinking and driving, meaning we don't drink more than one and drive. Ever.
I was excited about the ability to drink and walk.
No worries.
Drink and walk, that can't kill anyone.

We walked to Buffalo Wild Wings.
Some locals yelled for us to "go home" but all-in-all the walk was pleasant.
Our restaurant selection was the perfect spot for a college football Saturday.
After the 45 minute wait and many "go to hell" looks from Kentucky "fans" we were sat at a wonderful location which included a clear view to at least 12 televisions.
Speaking of 12 televisions-->I identified that I may be too ADD for that much action.


Being born and raised in Alabama has limited my football fan diversity.
There are practically two options in Alabama:
(1) Alabama
(2)Auburn
--Sometimes I would spot a Tennessee fan but they never counted because TN was not an option: someone had just ventured south wearing the wrong color.
Kentucky's college football diversity is actually diverse.
While sitting/drinking/watching/eating in Buffalo Wild Wings I spotted fans I never knew existed.
All these fans came together to drink, eat, and watch football.
I spotted Alabama, Tennessee, Wyoming, Ohio State, Auburn, Kentucky, and Miami fans.
By far the most diverse group of fans I have ever been around.

With no worries, in the midst of enjoying the BCS thanksgiving around me I drank.
The more I drank the more I thought Kentucky was hilarious.
Everywhere I looked there was Kentucky humor.
I even had a nick-names for a few of my "neighbors". We had serious- Kentucky man to my right and vomit-lady.
I knew Kentucky enjoyed horses but I was extremely underestimating the depth of love.
Basketball, wow, they love that too.
For some reason, their love for basketball and horses made me laugh.
Everywhere I turned I saw a horse.
Kentucky is backwards in the minds of football fan Alabamians.
Kentucky students were late to the football game because they waited for days for a chance to get tickets to a basketball scrimmage.
Alabamians have 90,000 + attend A day.
Kentucky's stadium was the loudest when the basketball team walked on the field.
Alabama's basketball stadium reached it's sound peak when Nick Saban walked on it.
The difference and polar opposite similarities mixed with Bud-Light=hilarious night.
It's hard to explain, Kentucky is just funny.

My Month

It is now my favorite time of year, it's October.
I anticipate October all year.
October returns the cool breeze.
That cool breeze works wonders on trees.
October brings perfect weather to throw balls with the dogs.
My dogs love October.
My hair even enjoys the break in humidity.
October allows me to pull out comfortable sweat-shirts and flannel pj's.
The leaves start to fall.
The smell of burning leaves can inspire a pure second of complete happiness by making me concentrate on the beauty around me instead of what I need to accomplish next.
October allows me to become a year older.
The closing of my personal year, brings reflection, and gratefulness.
I begin to think about the "holidays".
Holidays = family time.
Family time = love.
October is prime-time football month.
Football is full of emotion and devotion.
October loves me and I love October.

My Face and a Magic Eraser

I believe sometimes my brain stops working. A prime example of my brain outage includes me and hair dye. I somehow manage to get hair dye everywhere, maybe because I'm so excited about new hair color that I spaz out. To inform you on the severity of my spaz-isms: I manage to get hair dye on my foot, even between my toes. I have dripped it on the floor, and found some splashed on the bathroom door. The sad part is that I am honestly trying not to make a mess. I'm a clean person with moderate OCD issues but I tend to let lose when I'm cooking, in my car, and apparently dying my hair. So obviously I cover myself with hair dye, unfortunately from head-to-toe! I hop in the shower to rinse out my hair and de-dye myself but I can not manage to get the hair dye off my skin. After the shower, I realize I made very little progress. Now it's time for me to walk around my house looking for anything that might possibly have a second useful purpose. I try hot water and soap. I try hand sanitizer and elbow grease. After an impatient ten minutes I'm becoming desperate. I walk back to the kitchen to survey the most harsh chemicals I own. I ponder over the Clorox wipes. I decide on THE Magic Eraser. I go back to the bathroom and start to work on my face. I wipe softly on my forehead, being as careful as possible due to the fact I'm using Mr. Clean extremely too close to my eyes. After analyzing the situation and discovering the magic of the Magic Eraser-I go at it. I am past worrying about cleaning supplies on my face, I am now wondering when this bald man started magic tricks. I think to myself, "What if I put rubbing alcohol on the Magic Eraser, it's past bedtime, and I still have half a neck and two ears." So, being the logical person I am, I put rubbing alcohol on the Magic Eraser. I went to scrub my neck and almost fell to the ground! The pain was awful! For future reference the Magic Eraser causes skin abrasions, rubbing alcohol in thousands of skin abrasions-hurts like hell. I laid in bed last night with a sore mouth from a root canal and a sore face from being a dumb ass and thought "Hell, at least my hair looks good."

Root Canals and Flip Flops

Hopefully today was my first and last root canal. I had to endure such an ugly sounding operation due to the fact my tooth could not handle a routine filling. My nerve died from "trauma." The dentist said it would have happened on it's own eventually. How could the dentist tell me the opposite-"Sorry, I just killed your tooth." I never felt pain from the cavity, I only felt pain from the "trauma." Maybe my nerve would have lived if no one would have messed with it. Maybe it was a shy nerve-never wanting attention-trauma free. Regardless of what my nerve wanted, it is now gone. Honestly, I am mildly disappointed that my tooth lost the battle. I hope my other teeth hang in there. I brush at least twice a day, I guess that tooth did not care-it needed more attention.
Far away from root canals-last week I was on vacation. I enjoyed a week in the sunshine, baking by the beach. One night while in Florida, I was walking. I was walking in the best shoes ever invented-flip flops. Flip flops are one step away from being bare foot and I love it. I love to be bare foot, and that's one southern stereotype that I gladly accept. However, when walking in my flip flops in Florida my right flip flop damn near exploded. I was tripping all over my own shoe, after analyzing the situation I discovered that my flip flop broke in half. I was in the middle of Pineapple Willy's with the most insane example of shoe failure. It was hilarious until I realized that was my last living pair of black flip flops. So today after the root canal I went to Target and bought some cute black flip flops.
It all works out.

Thank God for Husband Engineers!

There is something about math that pisses me off.
No matter how hard I try to stay calm, eventually the frustration of finding the "correct answer" in a timely matter gets to me. Key words in the previous sentence is of course, timely matter.
My husband recently discovered this trait before I did. For some reason, if I feel like I am not making progress fast enough, I get mad. I need to learn extreme meditation secrets to help me succeed with math.
Here is one problem I do know the answer to:
Math makes me cry. Math makes me cry because when I get mad I cry and math makes me mad.
So if Math=Cry, Cry=Mad, then Math=Mad.
Thank God for a certain wonderful engineer that makes me calm down and learn. Without him Math=impossible.
Thanks! :)

The List to Complete

This list is forever changing. I add, I subtract, because I change my mind and discover new things.

Things to do before I die:

~*~Skydive- Completed 9/2006~*~
~Swim with a dolphin
~Scuba Dive
~*~Para-sail- Completed 8/2007~*~
~Go to an Oprah Show
~Stand in the rain in Seattle
~Learn to Ballroom Dance
~*~Bungee Jump- Completed Summer 2000~*~
~Teach someone to read
~Drive on the autobahn
~Climb a mountain
~Hold a monkey
~Ride in a hot air balloon
~*~Gamble- Completed 12/2006~*~
~Go deep sea fishing
~Water Ski
~Snow Ski
~See Statue of Liberty
~Kick a Field Goal
~Ride a mechanical bull
~Fly 1st class
~Met someone famous
~*~Get Married- Completed 8/2007~*~
~Have Kids
~*~Dance on a table in a bar- Completed 2005~*~
~Learn to drive a stick shift
~Ride on a train
~Go to church as a family (mine in the future)
~Leave $100 tip
~Change a tire
~Buy a car with a check
~*~Ride a Harley- Completed 2003~*~
~Make Thanksgiving Dinner
~See Concentration Camps
~Go mud riding
~Read the entire Bible
~Go on a cruise
~See Ground Zero
~Be a Bridesmaid
~Ice Skate
~Write a will
~Go to New Orleans Mardis Gras
~See a tornado
~Watch a drive-in movie
~Play with a fire extinguisher
~Volunteer as an adult
~See the Mona Lisa
~Take a walk in the rain
~Go to a wine tasting
~*~Plant a tree- Completed 2008~*~
~Learn sign language
~Go to NYC for New Years
~Walk across Brooklyn Bridge
~See Eiffel Tower
~See Great Wall of China
~See Pyramids in Egypt
~See Stonehedge in United Kingdom
~Send a kid to college
~Start a scholarship
~*~Take or Paint a picture worth hanging- Completed 2007~*~
~Fly an airplane
~Drive a tractor
~*~Quit Smoking-Completed March 18th 2009~*~
~Drink Colt 45
~Experience no gravity
~*~Honk 18-wheeler horn-Completed 5/27/2008~*~
~See a huge waterfall
~*~Keep a New Year's Resolution- Completed 4/2008~*~
~*~Go to a Concert Completed (John Mayer, 3 Doors Down, Breaking Benjamin, Maroon 5, Jason Mraz, Presidents of the US of A, Mariah Carey, Sean Paul, Coldplay, Stained, 3 Days Grace, Nickleback, Hoobastank, Hinder, Chevelle)~*~

Mallory and the Hell Inn 4/2008

I stayed at the Baymont Inn in Birmingham Sunday night because I was taking the ASCP board Monday morning.
Saturday night I worked from 9pm-7am so by the time I arrived at the hotel I was exhausted!! Not only was I exhausted, I was completely stressed out about my test the following morning. I checked into the hotel and directly went to the bathroom due to the fact I have the smallest bladder in the world. I tired to flush the toilet and it just kinda bubbled at me. I called the front desk and since the maintenance man was not there, I was sent to a new room. I pack all my things back up and head back to the front desk...check in again...and go to the new room. Once in the 2nd room I directly went to the bathroom and flushed the toilet (just to be safe). I then went to the sink to wash my hands and I noticed long curly hairs on the sink! AHHH I work in Microbiology, so my mind is racing with thought of organisms. I'm thinking at this point....if you don't even get long nasty hairs off the sink, have they really cleaned anything else?? I can't deal with the thought of the dirty room so I decide to go buy cleaning supplies. I buy Clorox Wipes, Anti-bacterial soap, and Lysol spray. So I come back to room2 and start cleaning. I feel pretty comfortable that I have killed everything on this side of Mycobacterium. While cleaning I found more hairs on the sink (short and curly!) I decide to Lysol spray the bed and thats when I found a big nasty dried cream colored stain and a huge cigarette burn. In the room I also found a survey someone else had filled out before me...it talked about how dirty the room was and that there was BLOOD on the PILLOW!! AHHHH!!! Later that night I knocked over the notepad that was located on the desk and on the back of this notepad was dried blood!!! The back of the notepad looked as if someone had blood on their hands and just wiped it on the back!! It was BAD!! I now believe I am spending the night in a crime scene! You have to remember at this point I have been awake around 27hrs! I think about leaving but I have the worst directional ability of any known mammal and the important thing is that I can find my test site in the morning. So I hope that Lysol spray works and decide to take a shower. Taking a shower in a crime scene might be one of the bravest/scariest/dumbest thing I have ever done. I get out of the shower and my plan is to smoke and go to bed. I have a smoking room but I don't like the room to be like a bar so I decided to go in the bathroom and close the door. I go to the bathroom....about to light my cig...and I think hey I could call Tracy right now....no it can wait...no just call...so I leave the bathroom....find my phone....go in the bathroom shut the door...and O NO!!!! I AM LOCKED IN THE BATHROOM!!! The door handle will turn but the lock will not!! The door opens towards me so the only defense I have is to pull...I can't kick...I can't throw my body against the door....I can pull!! I pull and pull and pray and cry and pull and cuss and it's not opening!! Tracy gets the number to the front desk and I call the front desk and tell them "Hi, uhh yeah....I'm in room 238 and I'm... uhh kinda locked in the bathroom...no like locked in the bathroom...like I can not leave the bathroom. Then it hits me I have the motel lock on the door (ya know the medal thing that goes across the door...yeah well it's across the door.) It takes them around 1 HOUR to get into the hotel room! So at this point I have been awake for 30 hrs...in a tiny tiny bathroom that was steamy from the shower...with no vent and wet hair...O and I only took one cig in with me!! Anyway so this big man has to karate kick the door open. I come flying out of there and unfortunately catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror! I have naturally curly hair...so me in a locked steamy bathroom freaking out with curly hair= I honestly looked like I have been trapped for weeks! The man (manager) that "saved" me never apologized for anything!!! He told me to go to the front desk once I pack up the things (for the 2nd time). Ok so now I pack up and while looking like a homeless person drag my things down stairs. This hotel gets worse after sun set I see...I believe I am staying at the prostitute inn! The lady behind the desk slides more keys my way and pointed in the general direction of my room 3. I start traveling in the direction of the point and it takes me behind the prostitute inn where there are no lights...it's shady! So I finally make it to room 3 sometime around midnight and thats the room I woke up in.
I never once got a "I'm sorry!" If anything they acted like it was my fault that the door was stuck! I received no discount and no apologies . You have to understand I am one of those people that NEVER complain about anything! I have got to start! Anyway never stay at the Baymont Inn...Unless you want broke toilets, hairy sinks, a mystery stain on the blanket, cig burns, bloody pillows, bloody notebooks, and being locked in a bathroom for over an hour, o and changing rooms 3 times. I guess it could have been worse....imagine if I decided not to grab my phone. O and I passed my board! :)